My Mother

Mother has been sick the past few weeks. Yes, she's been ill in the past, but this time was different. Why? It's difficult to explain. She has fought cancer not once but TWICE and has beaten it both times. She nursed my daddy when he was dying of lung cancer. So yes, we've been down some rocky roads before, but one night in ICU changed our thinking. Reality came knocking on our door even louder.

We sat there with our eyes glued to the monitor. Every time the blood pressure cuff activated, we held our breath. Her blood pressure little by little keep inching lower. The nurse called us aside and said she needed to ask us some questions. There were papers to be signed. When a patient's blood pressure gets below a certain point, they need to have answers. To questions you don't want to answer, but you must. Life support--yes or no? Then there were three letters you don't want to see: DNR. Do Not Resusitate. It was standard procedure. No, it wasn't. Not for us. Not for my mother. We signed the papers.

At that moment I had to start thinking differently. It was a turning point in my life. What if she didn't come back home? How would all our lives change? But I wanted to be like Scarlet O'Hara and think about that tomorrow. I didn't want to face it but the thought keep staring at me and I couldn't avoid it. I had to get back to her ICU room.

The nurses and doctors worked to bring the pressure back up and she survived the crisis but not without a lot of tense moments. We held our breath again each time the monitor refreshed. At one point her blood pressure was 50/17.

Somebody prayed us through it. She made it. Thank you, Jesus. He helped her but He also reminded me one day I will have to be ready to give her back to Him.

I realized that there is no one on this earth who remembers my grandfather like she does. If she were gone, I wouldn't have anyone to reminisce with about the good times. My brothers were little when he died and they don't have the memories that I have. They both bear his name, but they didn't know him like I did, even though I was only eight years old at the time. Now I can't even remember what his voice was like.

When she's gone, I'll go to the head of the family line. I will no longer be in the autumn of my years. The season will change, as it should.